Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Little House in the Ghetto

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. I've been pretty depressed and in a bad mood since Mamaw passed away. I know that I have to keep going on and doing all the daily things of life. But I'd rather just curl up with a good book and escape. I have indulged my desire perhaps a little too much, as I have read all of the Little House books now. I always used to read the Little House books at Mamaw's house and to borrow them from her. So it sort makes me feel closer to her. In some ways it helps, in others it just makes me miss her that much more.

And I feel guilty for being so depressed. I know she was almost ninety-two and lived a long full life and faces a blessed eternity. But I still miss her.

It's also hard because I know my mom misses her even more than I do, and I want to be strong for her. I want to be strong. But at the same time I don't want to be strong.

In the meantime, things have gotten a little out of control at home. Abigail has been acting out, and I don't know how to handle her. Is it because she is sad too? Is it because mommy is so glum and not taking very good care of things? Is it just because she's a kid and kids go through phases? Or is there something else going on? What is the best way to handle a belligerent five-year-old anyway?

But at least I don't have to worry about my livelihood being destroyed by grasshoppers or being lost in a blizzard.

2 comments:

Loree said...

=\ And it's times like this I know I have nothing to say to cheer you up. I'm thinking, though, that even if you think you have to be strong for your mom, it might help her just as much to know you are having a hard time, too, if only to show her that she's not alone.

Still, ::hug::

Your livelihood may very well be destroyed by a rampant 5-year-old, though. I recommend comfort food. XD

Manda said...

I have no words of wisdom to share with you, but I will pray for you and your family.

I am a poor coper with emotions in general. And, it is during times like these when I am grateful that friends and family don't let me shrivel up inside of myself, but instead force me to continue to live. Perhaps that is what Abigail's misbehaving can be attributed to.

I wish you the best,
-Manda.
*hugs*