Happy Birthday Sam!

Today little Sammy turns two. He hasn't started the terrible part yet, and of course I am praying that he won't. He has a lot of patience and persistence, and he is really smart. I think that he will eventually overcome his delays.
It is with a glad heart that I celebrate Sam's special day. His Birthday means so much more since it was basically a miracle that he survived his first year. Unfortunately, it is also a difficult time for me since the day of his Birth was the most horrifying day of my life.
For those of you who don't know, here is the story. When Sam was first born, he seemed to be the picture of health. His Apgar scores were nearly perfect and he nursed well. Then about an hour after he was born, we realized he was not breathing. All of what followed is sort of blurry in my mind. I remember nurses rushing in to do CPR. And I remember him being whisked away to the NICU. I remember holding hands and praying, and singing hymns. It seemed like an eternity before we knew anything. And then the neonatologist came and interrogated us. Eventually, about four hours or so later we were allowed to see Sammy. He was on a ventilator, which he stayed on for a couple days. And he remained in intensive care for almost two weeeks.
No one will ever know what really happened, but every doctor has a theory. And he suffered neurological damage which has resulted in a number of difficulties including developmental delays, swallowing trouble, disgestive problems etc. His first year was plagued by illnesses and hospitalizations.
Nonetheless, he has made amazing progress. To look at him, you would never guess all that he has been through. I rejoice in this.
The strange thing is that thinking about all of this still grieves me terribly. I can barely stand to look at pictures from right after his birth. I don't usually dwell on this, and as busy as we are it's pretty easy to not think about things. But when I am reminded it still hurts really badly. Last night I cried myself to sleep. I know that I am so blessed that God has given me Sam and been with us through all of this. I really don't know why I still ache so much.